Happy Leftie Day!

It's International Lefthanders Day, and you know what that means... PAR-TAY! Southpawtinis for everyone, honey!  Today, lefties around the world gather 'round the Wrong Hand Tree and exchange gifts of scissors, computer mice and golf clubs. Later, they share left-handed compliments while feasting on leftovers. 

The Latin meaning for left is sinistra, AKA sinister; thus, never trust a southpaw. Any invitations to their celebrations today should be politely declined. Should you accept, don't come cryin' to me if things go horribly wrong. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gmb_vU9wME&feature=related]

Posted on August 12, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Holidays.

Dental Appointment Tardiness: The Worst-Case Scenario

Yesterday, in Scottsdale, Ariz., a man showed up 15 minutes late for his 2 p.m. dental appointment. 

Due to the man's tardiness, the dentist moved on to another patient. The man was told he might be able to see the dentist if he waited around. At 3:45 p.m., he charged into dentist's office in a fit of rage. 

What did the dentist do? It's America, dahling: He pulled out a gun, of course. He allegedly didn't use it, however. Regardless, it helped convince the patient to leave. 

By the time the patient got to the elevator, though, he changed his mind. He turned and made his way back to the dentist's office. 

He would have made it back... if he hadn't stumbled over the railing and plummeted from the second floor to the ground below. 

He's currently in stable condition. 

Hope his teeth didn't suffer any damage... dude's gonna have to drive to Tuscon or farther to find anyone willing to work on his mouth. 

Via AZ Family

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under WTF?!?.

Friday Fabü

Born in India, Vinie’s family was traditional, but far from ordinary. Her parents, Yogi Bhajan Ph.D., and Bibiji Inderjit Kaur, Ph.D., introduced Kundalini Yoga to the west in 1969 and spearheaded the creation of the first Ayurvedic-based businesses (Yogi Tea, Golden Temple and Peace Cereal) in the United States. At age 10, she came to the U.S. and was raised in Espanola, N.M.

“I call New Mexico my home,” she said in a recent interview. “Even in our New Mexico households, we did and still incorporate ancient Ayurvedic principles into almost every aspect of daily life.”

After recovering from a debilitating illness and witnessing her own recovery via Ayurvedic remedies, she embarked on a new path and dove into learning all about ancient healing. This laid the foundation for her all-natural skincare line, Vinies Ayurveda’s Soul.

Click here to read the rest of the column.

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Fabü.

Lee Grace Dougherty: The Skeezefest Continues!

I had a serious hunch this was going to happen. Sure enough, Lee Grace Dougherty posed for some very scandalous photos mere days before her crime spree began. Yeeee-haw! 

Click here to check out the photos. Don't worry, worker bees, they're censored and SFW.  

My fave, without question, is this one. Look to the right of the television. Yes, my friends... that's a column of single-size snack chips. Rejoice!!!

I'll bet Hugh Hefner and the Vivid folks are seething with rage because Lee Grace is poised for mucho años en la pinta; otherwise, the offers would be rolling in. You know she'd be all over that sh*t, too!

She'd definitely host an extended-family viewing party for her porn release. And, because she's such a kind and considerate young lady, she'd make sure to reserve a front-row seat for her toothless granny, since her eyes ain't so good anymore.

Single-size Doritos and malt liquor intermission refreshments for everyone! Par-TAY! 

Via TMZ

Posted on August 12, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under News, Scandal!.

Am I a Psychic A**hole?

Ummmm... yeah.... soooo... Jani Lane is dead at 47. Last night, his body was found at a Comfort Inn in Woodland Hills, Calif. 

After my last post (Sir Mix-a-Lot), I decided to get my morning TMZ fix. First post on the page: Jani's dead. Less than three minutes ago, I posted something a bit salty about him. Cue creepy music! OoooWOOOOeeeeeooooo! 

Should I remove the post out of respect? Hell no! It's no secret the man was totally miserable and hated Cherry Pie. I speak the troof, yo. He had a long history of alcoholism, depression and weight issues. On VH1's HEAVY: The Story Of Metal, Lane expressed his disdain for Cherry Pie, stating, "I could shoot myself in the f**king head for writing that song." See clip below. 

Peace out, Jani. Let's hope he's in a better place, cuz he sho' wasn't happy here. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR1xpknCHCQ]

Posted on August 12, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under R-I-P-.

Top Three Lee Grace Dougherty Quotes of the Day

This could be the beginning of a lonnng list, dahling. 

While this absolute trainwreck of a media frenzy has only just begun, redneck gun moll Lee Grace Dougherty is already showing strong signs of trashy-ass infamy. 

Top three Lee Grace quotes of the day: 

1. "I like milk and German engineering."

2. "We weren't trying to hurt anyone."

3. "I pointed the gun at the cop." 

The last quote, as many of you might already know, was uttered as Lee Grace---in a flawless performance of Dumbest Bitch on American Soil---actually waived her g.d. right to remain silent and dished everything to detectives following Wednesday's high-speed chase and shootout that ended with a car crash and her arrest. 

Lee Grace, you vapid little goober, thanks for the chuckles, honey. 

Wonder what's next? 

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under News, WTF?!?.

Sociopathic Taco Bell Employee of the Day

Let's all raise a Gordita for Jason Dean of Dalton, Georgia, who wins today's Golden Chalupa award for Sociopathic Taco Bell Employee of the Day. Congratulations, Jason. 

Dean was arrested last night after handcuffing himself to another employee in the Ringgold, Ga., Taco Bell parking lot. Why? 'Cuz he had a crush on her. Awwww! Tender moments! 

Apparently, 24-year-old Dean had been trying to go out with the 18-year-old woman for several weeks. After several rejections, she even had her shift changed at Taco Bell so she could avoid him. 

Undeterred, Dean approached the object of his obsession in the Taco Bell parking lot and handcuffed himself to her wrist. Fortunately, several employees heard her cries for help and talked Dean into letting her go. Two days later, cops located him at home with the handcuffs still in his possession. He was arrested and with felony false imprisonment. 

I'm quite shocked that Dean went home after the incident rather than attempting to run for the border. Yeah, I know... SO lame... totally couldn't resist. I win the Dumb-as-Hell Taco Bell Sociopath Joke of the Day award. Congratulations, Lisa.

To see Jason Dean's sad-sack mug shot, click here. 

Via Times Free Press

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qIWKA6CgVw]

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under WTF?!?.

Commentator FLIPS OUT Over Debt Debate!

Please take a moment and absorb Dylan Ratigan's incredibly passionate diatribe about the country's debt and credit downgrade. It doesn't matter if you're a Democrat, Republican or otherwise; Ratigan's words are the real deal. Please share this with your peeps!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIcqb9hHQ3E]

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Money, News, Rants/Raves, Videos.

Happy Sirmixalotday

In honor of Sir Mix-a-Lot's 48th birthday, I will not post Baby Got Back. 

You KNOW, without a shred of doubt, that even though Sir Mix still faithfully takes the stage and performs BGB overandoverandover again, that poor man has gotta be so ridiculously sick of that damn song that it's not even funny. Such is showbiz, dahling. This is why Vanilla Ice hates himself and Jani Lane hates himself AND cherry pie. Suck it up, fellas. Your 15 minutes might've expired ages ago, but at least you can say you left your mark. 

How this turned into a rant, I have no idea. Seems to happen a lot around here in Fabüchusetts. Happy birthday, Sir Mix-a-Lot. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_F76ySzk48]

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Birthdays.

Lazy Cakes Evening: Mission Aborted!

Well, so much for my Lazy Cakes evening experiment.  I just realized I didn't include a link to the Lazy Cakes site in the last post, thus, I Googled 'Lazy Cakes' so I could get the URL and edit the post. 

Lo and behold, my Google search revealed new info released last week: Lazy Cakes have been deemed unsafe by the FDA and are in danger of being seized from shelves if their manufacturer, HBB LLC, does not recall the product! 

According to a NY Daily News report, "Michael Roosevelt of the FDA said the agency is not aware of data that establishes the safety of melatonin for use as an ingredient in foods. He cited medical research that has shown concerns about potential reproductive, cardiovascular, ocular and neurological issues as side effects of using the drug."

Melatonin is what puts the lazy in lazy cakes, by the way. 

The original Lazy Cakes web site has been disabled. Now, the product name has been changed to Lazy Larry, complete with new web site. 

SCANDAL!!!

Look, I'm not a huge fan of the FDA, but I think I'll go ahead and skip this experiment, regardless. 

Borrrr-ing! 

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Health/Fitness, Scandal!.

Birthday Bleck

Do you feel like starting your day by looking at a photo of Hulk Hogan, Joe Rogan or Rev. Jerry Falwell? Yeah, me neither.  I vote no birthday tribute today. 

Instead, let's begin Thursday with this cute little kitten. Awwww! Tender moments! 

Posted on August 11, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Birthdays.

The Winner of Most Elegant Flickr Profile of the Day Is...

Lee Grace Dougherty of Lacoochee (priceless!), Florida. 

Yes, that Lee Grace Dougherty. The stripper who, along with her two brothers, was arrested in a Colorado shoot-out this morning after an eight-day run from the law following the attempted murder of a police officer in Zephyrhills (Really? What's UP with these Florida names?!?), Florida and a bank robbery in Valdosta, Georgia. 

About that Flickr profile. Here are some of the carefully-chosen words Lee-Grace used to describe herself: 

"I'm 28 but act like I'm 17 most of the time. I love to farm and shoot guys and wreck cars. I'm a redneck and proud of it."

You win, girl. Congratulations. 

To read more about Lee Grace's crime spree, click here.

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under News.

Credo

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." 

– Mohandas Gandhi

 

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Credo.

Louboutin Loses Red Sole War With YSL!

A judge denied Christian Louboutin's request for a preliminary injunction against Yves Saint Laurent for alleged trademark infringement on red-soled shoes.  This is not only a victory for YSL, but also opens the red sole floodgates for other shoe manufacturers, as as well. 

Sigh. So long, coveted red soles. Soon, we'll be able to buy hideous, red-soled shoe atrocities at Payless.

Double-sigh. 

 

 

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Fashion.

Betsey Birthday!

The amazing Betsey Johnson is 69 today. Happy birthday, Betsey, you fabulous, cartwheeling wonder! 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDjZVbY2d9Y]

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Birthdays.