Crackhead Sunday

I'm never going to lose my last 10 lbs of baby weight this way. 

My girlfriend Michele came over today... with a fresh crack dip (aka buffalo chicken dip)... and 12 Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Yeah, both. 

See that pic up top? It's not that clear, I know---mad props to my super-lame phone cam. Anyway, that's crack dip on a baguette slice next to a red velvet doughnut chunk. Thought I'd throw some wine in for good measure. Classy. 

Here's a close-up of the red velvet doughnut. 

I won't lie: I ate crack dip and doughnuts all day. Literally from about 10 a.m. 'til 7 p.m.

It's a miracle I haven't puked yet. 

Finito!

Well, at least they managed to last a little over a year. That's far more than Kim and Kris can say.

Russell Brand filed for divorce from Katy Perry. They were married October 23, 2010 in a---you guessed it!---over-the-top, ridiculously-expensive ceremony.

Another celeb marriage bites the dust. Next! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIQr_JyBvaA

It Gets Worse!

When it rains, it pours, Lindsay.

While in court (and ultimately arrested) today for probation violation, Ms. Lohan was served with a lawsuit for allegedly attacking a Betty Ford staffer during her rehab stay last year. 

Talk about a bad day. Sheesh. 

Finally! A New Scandal!

About damn time. Lindsay Lohan is back in the clink. Her probation was revoked due to being thrown out of the place she was supposed to perform her probation---the L.A. Downtown Women's Center---because she failed to show up nine times. She also complained to her probation officer about her experience at the women's center, calling it unfulfilling. Wow.

She'll be bailed out shortly. Next hearing: November 2. She faces up to 1.5 years.

She must complete 16 hours at the morgue before her hearing. Fabulous! 

Yawn.

You know why this guy is yawning?

BECAUSE THERE ARE NO FABULOUS SCANDALS ACTIVELY HAPPENING!!!

Total yawnsville!

This dude and I are about to fall on our faces out of sheer boredom. Somebody had better do something extremely scandalous very quickly, or else it's face-plant city for me and this guy. Nobody wants that to happen; I'm sure of it. Right? Right? 

I hear crickets.

Can we just get a good scandal... please? 

Question of the Day

Does anybody else miss the media presence of our redneck crime spree princess, Lee Grace Dougherty?

I do. I miss her as often as I miss Cracker Barrel's hashbrown casserole: Quite frequently.

I miss seeing her smiling face and glazed eyes. I miss her insightful quips. I miss hearing about her dumb-ass, potentially-lethal shenanigans. 

We need a new redneck scandal, pronto. The Salahis and their upper-class social foibles aren't cutting it.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1xYz9UUnkU

Salahi Scandal of the Day

According to Tareq Salahi, the family Doberman Pinscher, Rio, has died.  In a statement to TMZ last week, Tareq claimed that Rio---who suffered a heart attack several weeks ago and hasn't been in the best health---had been 'depressed and scared' ever since wife Michaele left home to join Journey guitarist Neal Schon on the road. 

R.I.P., Rio Salahi. Sorry your mom took off with Neil Schon.  

Keep it coming, Salahis. 

(Via TMZ... you might wanna click the link... there are pics... it's not toooo awful, but pretty damn sad.) 

Salahi Scandal of the Day

  Tareq Salahi has filed for divorce, citing adultery and abandonment... surprise, surprise. 

To add insult to injury, Neil Schon allegedly sent Tareq a picture of a penis. To be more specific, Tareq says in the divorce papers "the paramour [Neal] sent to my email account... an email with an attachment of a penis -- presumably his." 

You know what they say about scorned lovers. And they're not taking any chances at Camp Journey. Security have received strict orders to keep Tareq out of the backstage area for the remainder of the tour, because he has an all-access pass. You see, they were all friends before this love triangle business mucked things up.

Sorry, Tareq. Lost your wife AND your Journey privileges within a few days' time. This is definitely not your week, sir. 

These Journey songs must be so bittersweet for Tareq now... but they're FABULOUS for me to use as icing on the cake! More sad Journey songs! MORE! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtXFfizk5nE

Was Coco Chanel a Nazi Spy?

That's what American historian Hal Vaughan contends in his new book, Sleeping with the Enemy: Coco Chanel's Secret Wars. Click here to read more about Vaughan's claims about Chanel. Pretty juicy stuff! 

The House of Chanel, however, says the story is totally bogus. 

Wonder who's telling the truth? 

Lee Grace Dougherty: The Skeezefest Continues!

I had a serious hunch this was going to happen. Sure enough, Lee Grace Dougherty posed for some very scandalous photos mere days before her crime spree began. Yeeee-haw! 

Click here to check out the photos. Don't worry, worker bees, they're censored and SFW.  

My fave, without question, is this one. Look to the right of the television. Yes, my friends... that's a column of single-size snack chips. Rejoice!!!

I'll bet Hugh Hefner and the Vivid folks are seething with rage because Lee Grace is poised for mucho años en la pinta; otherwise, the offers would be rolling in. You know she'd be all over that sh*t, too!

She'd definitely host an extended-family viewing party for her porn release. And, because she's such a kind and considerate young lady, she'd make sure to reserve a front-row seat for her toothless granny, since her eyes ain't so good anymore.

Single-size Doritos and malt liquor intermission refreshments for everyone! Par-TAY! 

Via TMZ

Lazy Cakes Evening: Mission Aborted!

Well, so much for my Lazy Cakes evening experiment.  I just realized I didn't include a link to the Lazy Cakes site in the last post, thus, I Googled 'Lazy Cakes' so I could get the URL and edit the post. 

Lo and behold, my Google search revealed new info released last week: Lazy Cakes have been deemed unsafe by the FDA and are in danger of being seized from shelves if their manufacturer, HBB LLC, does not recall the product! 

According to a NY Daily News report, "Michael Roosevelt of the FDA said the agency is not aware of data that establishes the safety of melatonin for use as an ingredient in foods. He cited medical research that has shown concerns about potential reproductive, cardiovascular, ocular and neurological issues as side effects of using the drug."

Melatonin is what puts the lazy in lazy cakes, by the way. 

The original Lazy Cakes web site has been disabled. Now, the product name has been changed to Lazy Larry, complete with new web site. 

SCANDAL!!!

Look, I'm not a huge fan of the FDA, but I think I'll go ahead and skip this experiment, regardless. 

Borrrr-ing! 

This Scandal: Too Many Things

OK, here's a fab new scandal for you, children. I am so in love with this one that I just might have to go ahead and deem it best scandal of the week right now... and it's only Sunday, mind you. We have six more days ahead. There could be many, many more scandals (and hopefully, this will be the case). My money, however, is on this juicy little tidbit, because that's how fabulous it is. It's waaaay too many things. Ready? Off we go!  A Vermont man was found passed out in his truck on an interstate median. 

His BAC was .332. Over four times the legal limit. 

He's a cop. A corporal, in fact, with the Winooski Police Department. BAM! 

He's been placed on sick leave by Chief... wait for it... Steve McQueen. 

I rest my case. 

Read the original story via WCAX here. 

Bill Bennett: America sucks because Amy Winehouse won a Grammy three years ago

Click here to read about why Reagan's drug czar, Bill Bennett, pinpoints the start of America's decline to Amy Winehouse's Grammy win three years ago. 

(Handy tip: read through to the gambling part. Scandal!)

Um... oh-kaaay. So everything was rosy before 2008, Bill? 

To Catch an Adulterer

Remember Chris "Why don't you have a seat over there" Hansen? Most of us are familiar with the host of the Dateline series, To Catch a Predator. He's the guy who, along with film crews and police, confronts pervs trying to hook up with underage girls. 

Guess who was secretly filmed having an extramarital affair? Oh, the irony! 

Apparently, Hansen, 51, who is married and has two young sons, has allegedly been having an affair with Kristyn Caddell, a 30-year-old Florida journalist, for the last four months. An undercover sting operation organized by the National Enquirer recently filmed the couple arriving at a Florida hotel for dinner, then driving to Caddell's apartment, where they left, carrying luggage, at 8 a.m. the following day. 

Why don't you have a seat over there, Chris...

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJLhQoxenB8&feature=related]

Sorry, Hef!

Hugh Hefner was set to marry Crystal Harris this weekend, but his fiancée got cold feet and called it all off. 

To add insult to injury, she's featured on the cover of the July issue of Playboy... billed as "Mrs. Crystal Hefner." Yikes. 

On the cover, Harris, 25, is mostly naked, wearing nothing but the 85-year-old publisher's signature smoking jacket and captain's hat, and holding a Hef-esque pipe. Double-yikes. 

The headline: "America's Princess: Introducing Mrs. Crystal Hefner."  Triple-yikes. 

Check out the cover here.

Sorry, Hef. This is likely a very good thing, old chap. Especially since you insisted on no pre-nup. 

You know Holly Madison is doing a jig and having a satisfying, "I told you so" cocktail right about now. 

Trump on Weiner: "He's a Psycho"

Certainly, you've heard about the latest political sex scandal involving Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY). 

Naturally, the Donald has an opinion, and it's not pretty. Check it out. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNRXpDIX0uQ]