Elizabeth Smart Gets the Last Word

Wednesday, Elizabeth Smart confronted Brian David Mitchell, the street preacher convicted of holding her captive and raping her for nine months when she was 14. Now 23, she addressed Mitchell just before the Utah judge sentenced him two life sentences without parole. "I don't have very much to say to you. I know exactly what you did," said Smart. "I know that you know that what you did was wrong. You did it with full knowledge ... but I have a wonderful life now and no matter what you do, you will never affect me again."

"You took away nine months of my life that can never be returned. You will have to be held responsible for those actions, whether it's in this life or the next, and I hope you are ready for when that time comes."

Kudos to Elizabeth Smart for her bravery and poise. May the rest of her years be fabulous. 

“There’s never a need for a Pap smear at 30,000 feet.”

Definitely the quote of the day.  It's taken from a story in The New York Times about when doctors are called to the rescue in midflight. Click here to check it out. 

Viagra = Deafness?

Note to Viagra consumers: get your hearing checked.  Oooops! Guess I should repeat that a bit louder: GET YOUR HEARING CHECKED... you horny bastards.

(Opted not to yell that last part because, well,  it's just fun to mess with the hard-of-hearing. "Whaaat? Did you say 'two corny masters" or 'screw forty plasters'?")

Anyway, here's the deal: those little blue pills may have some not-so-fabulous side-effects... particularly, the inability to hear after taking them. 

Reportedly, 47 suspected cases of rapid (that's right: rapid) hearing loss have been linked to Viagra, as well as similar drugs like Levitra and Cialis. Over 200 other reported U.S. cases were excluded from the study due to lack of detail. 

Click here to read more. 

Via The Huffington Post

Still Standing

Here's Family Radio's Harold Camping, still standing (or sitting, rather) due to non-rapture.  Yesterday, he opened his door to a reporter and said he was "flabbergasted" that the rapture didn't arrive as predicted. He added that it was "a really tough weekend." 

Noble effort, Mr. Camping. We applaud your vigor. So long, rapture. Bon voyage. 

And, ever since I drafted the title of this post, that damn Elton John song has been stuck in my head. I'd like it to infect yours now, thankyouverymuch. I so forgot how gayer-than-gay this video is. Loves it! 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s]

Rapture?!? Iceland Volcano Erupting!

The Grimsvotn volcano in Iceland's most active Vatnajokull glacier is starting to erupt.  It also erupted in 1993, 1996 and 1998. Meh. 

I vote thumbs-down as a Rapture qualification. You? 

Heeere it Comes!

A 6.5-magnitude quake hit Papua, New Guinea. Rapture. 

The End is Nigh!

And when I say nigh, I'm talking Saturday, dahling. It's allllll over... according to the Family Radio cult.  Founded by 89-year-old Harold Camping, Family Radio is heard around the globe in 48 different languages. According to Camping, Jesus will return to Earth Saturday and launch a five-month countdown to doomsday. 

Thus, you don't have to totally freak out just yet, as we actually have 'til October 21 to kiss our asses goodbye. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmRoQ3JZzII]

Brayden Sucks!

I have no idea who this baby is, but I--and the rest of the nation--sure as hell hope its name isn't Brayden or Mackenzie. The Mother Nature Network has released the Most Hated Baby Names in America, my friends. Click here to find out if your kid's on the list. If they are, screw it. Who made the Mother Nature Network judge and jury, anyway. Brayden on, my wayward son. 

Let's all be proud of our names. 

Hawking: No Heaven

The smartest man on Earth (after Stevie Wonder... and Rip Taylor), Stephen Hawking, told the Guardian that he rejects the notion of heaven.  "I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail," Hawking told the Guardian. "There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark." 

What do you think of Hawking's declaration? 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b7qaSxuZUg]

And, just for good measure...

If there IS a heaven, I hope and pray that I'm greeted by Rip Taylor himself (if he goes first, that is... no pressure, Rip... haaaay!) That's reason enough to behave yourself during your time on this Earth. If Rip's on the other side, be good now, because you do NOT want to miss out on that opportunity. 

Weekend Wrap-Up

Due to not being able to post much this weekend, I give you the following... 1. Did anyone take advantage of World Naked Gardening Day yesterday? 

The American Association for Nude Recreation deemed May 14 as a world-wide day of tending to our gardens in the buff. I did not participate. Don't hate. 

2. Jesse James did it AGAIN.

The man is officially a douchebag. This time, he implied to Piers Morgan that ex-wife Sandra Bullock was insincere during their relationship, and that when she expressed her appreciation for him during award show acceptance speeches, it was nothing but acting. SHUT-uuuup, Mr. James. Shutupshutupshutupshutup!!!! 

3. Versace is launching a kids' fashion line. 

The House of Versace announced the Spring 2012 launch of Young Versace, a line exclusively for infant through 12-year-old fashionistas. The line is expected to incorporate natural fabrics, fun colors and the brand's glam-rock essence, not to mention it's iconic symbols, such as the Medusa and Greek frieze. 

4. Decent trade-off: Vaccine prevents HIV, causes herpes.

An experimental AIDS vaccine looks promising, as studies are indicating that it has the potential to eliminate HIV from the body. It works by injecting Cytomegalovirus (CMV), which is a type of herpes, into a person; this supposedly causes the immune system to constantly battle HIV. I soooo don't understand it, but it's incredibly encouraging. Think I'll have to do a cartwheel. Wheeee!

Hope a good weekend was had by all! 

Good News for Young Geeks!

Got kids? Worried they aren't popular? Turns out, you should probably be more concerned if they are. 

Apparently, what makes people unpopular in the hallways of high school--primarily an unwillingness to conform--tends to translate into success as an adult. 

Check out Alexandra Robbins' The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth: Popularity, Quirk Theory and Why Outsiders Thrive After High School (Hyperion, 2011). 

So, young geeks, rejoice! What makes you a total freak now is quite likely your key to a golden future. Later on down the line, your lives will kick ass, while the cool kids will be sucking it. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mRG2oAQhso]

First Suicide from World's Tallest Building

A man jumped to his death Tuesday from Dubai's 160-story Burj Khalifa tower, the world's tallest building. He reportedly jumped from the 147th floor and landed on a terrace on the 108th floor. It's the first Burj Khalifa suicide. 

The deceased man was reportedly upset because his employer refused a time-off request. Wow. 

Source

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjIug7JADdo]

Helicopter Wins Skateboard Race!

Yesterday, just outside Golden, Coloroado, a private helicopter filming the Buffalo Bill Downhill skateboard race crashed near the finish line. No-one was hurt. 

The crash interrupted the in-progress race with over 120 competitors. The events organizers haven't yet commented about a reschedule. 

Source

And the most ironic nickname of the day goes tooooo....

Drumroll, please.... Hummer Mom!

Congratulations to our lucky winner, Christine Hubbs of Livermore, California. The 42-year-old mother of three is now facing 67 sexual assault charges in connection with the statutory rape of two teenage boys, one of whom was her daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend. YIKES! 

She's known around Livermore as "Hummer Mom," because she's always driving around town with kids in her Hummer. Ugh. 

HUMMER MOM! Are you f*cking KIDDING me? I've said it before and I'll say it again: you simply can't make this stuff up. The truth is, indeed far, farrrrr stranger than fiction. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3lKbMBab18]

You KNOW Mrs. Robinson gave mean hummers! 

News Quote of the Day

Waukesha Patch - A man, who is reportedly mentally ill, spoke with police at 9:30 a.m. Tuesday in the 100 block of Corrina Boulevard for previously running around naked in the downtown area, according to the Waukesha Police Department call log. The man told police he would not run around naked again but that the voices in his head were telling him to have sex with a horse, the log states.

A social worker was called to assist with the situation.

Click here to read the original story. 

* Fabulisa note: Crazy man and livestock sex... again. I wonder if bath salts had anything to do with this?

Night of the Floating Dead

In an attempt to save the town of Cairo, Illinois due to massive flooding, the Army Corps of Engineers opened the levee at Birds Point in Mississippi County, Missouri, Monday night.

As a result, several local cemeteries and grave sites are now totally flooded. 

The county coroner has advised the public to be on the lookout for burial vaults, caskets or skeletal remains. Trés fab! 

Anyone who sees the floating dead should not take matters into their own hands; they're advised to call the coroner's office at McMikle Funeral Home: 573-683-3773. 

Source

Bath Salts? Seriously? Yes, I'm dwelling.

OK, I just did a bit of research on these bath salts being blamed for the lingerie/goat tragedy... These aren't standard bath salts like we spa-lovers are so fond of. "Bath salts" is merely a nickname for methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV), a psychoactive drug with stimulant qualities. It's known to cause some seriously ka-ray-zay behavior for days on end, and gobs of health problems. Click here to read a pretty creepy news story about the stuff. 

Here's the kicker: it's legal. You can purchase it at head shops, convenience stores and other retail outlets. Apparently, the stuff's frequently located near the energy drinks. It's the new meth, and it's available everywhere... while marijuana remains largely illegal... go figure. 

Bath salts are sold under many names, including: 

• Serenity Now
• Ivory Wave
• Vanilla Sky
• Bonsai Grow
• Lovey Dovey
• Euphoria
• White Lightning
• Cloud 9
• Aura
• Blue Silk

Don't throw out the bathwater just yet. Things are a' changing. Today, the Florida Senate unanimously voted to ban MDPV/bath salts. Yay, Florida! Lord knows you've got your hands full of crazy over there, anyway. The last thing you need is even crazier crazies, beloved Sunshine State. Get those bath salts out, pronto! 

This better not jack up the price of my treasured AHAVA fabulousness, that's all I have to say. Any junkie that comes between me and a deluxe soak is in for a world o' pain. I will choke bitches out. Watch it!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIwE9-YkKoQ&feature=player_embedded]

Lingerie-Clad Man High on Bath Salts Kills Neighbor's Goat

According to the Kanawha County, West Virginia, Sheriff's Department, yesterday a West Virginia man high on bath salts killed his neighbor's pygmy goat and neighbors found him in his bedroom, dressed in a bra and panties, next to the dead animal.  Click here to read the story and view the absolutely classic mugshot. Let's hope this man gets the help he desperately needs. 

R.I.P. Bailey the pygmy goat. 

Wowwww.

Peace out, sir. 

Welcome to May 2011, kids. Happy Monday to everyone. 

Yikes. What a kick-off. Sheesh. 

House Calls Police on Itself

An empty Massachusetts house called 911 yesterday after water short-circuited the phone lines. 

Here's the kicker: The owner has been away for months. Apparently, a pipe burst during the winter and caused massive water damage and potentially toxic mold. 

That house needed help, and it wasn't about to wait for that absentee owner anymore. Go on, house! Call the cops on your own! Good for you!

Source