Jackie Collins is so fabulous that she deserves to be slapped repeatedly until she finally confesses, "OK, OK! I admit it: I am more fabulous than any woman should ever be! I absolutely rule, OK? You can't handle this fabulousness! You can't haaaandlllle iiiiiit. Shut-up! Stop looking at me! F**k you!"
Clearly, Jackie, we admire you. Happy 74th birthday, betch.