Friday Fabü

I’ll begin this issue’s column bluntly: down with poor manners! Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed one etiquette faux pas after another. Sure, we’ve all been guilty of slight social gaffes, but enough of the major malfunctions, already. No mas, I say! I’m putting my perfectly pedicured foot down and busting out the Fabü etiquette files. This column is lovingly dedicated to readers requiring more finesse in their politesse.

Consider yourselves glove-slapped.

Click here to read the rest of the column. 

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Fabü.

It's bin Laden Bites!

Nothing says "commemorate the execution of the al-Qaeda founder" like vegan chocolate. 

To honor the mission of U.S. SEAL team 6, PETA is sending sweets to the elite team's headquarters in Virginia Beach. 

Posted on the PETA site:  PETA is sending the U.S. Navy SEALS some very special dairy-free chocolates called "Bin Laden Bites." With every satisfying bite, the SEALS can savor the demise of a terrorist who caused so much human and animal suffering. 

Click here to order bin Laden Bites. 

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Products, WTF?!?.

Yay!

We're growing! 

Within the next few days, this site will move to AbsolutelyFabulisa.com

Keep ya' posted. 

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Announcements.

Fab Alert!

Super-cool t-shirt boutique, Guerrilla Graphix, just relocated very close to my chic treehouse -- yay! Naturally, I had to stop in and welcome them to the neighborhood. Whilst there, I picked up this fab little number.

Shop online or in-store. Here's my next purchase: 

How much do you love it? Personally, I can barely handle how fabulous it is. 

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Fab Alert, Fashion.

I Love Liquor!

Shirley Q. Liquor, that is. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YVQ0jfZqsE&feature=related]

"I understand about beautiful hats. I have one or two myself that I made myself... out of alpasia wool and glue-on diamonds. It's beautiful. Jesus would like it. I wear it for his glurry."  --- SQL

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Videos, Web Gems.

Jesse James is a Jackass

Dude... STOP. How many times are you going to try to publicly humiliate Sandra Bullock? Enough, already. Sheesh.  During an interview on Howard Stern's radio show yesterday, Stern asked James who was better in bed, ex-wife Bullock or current  fiancée, Kat Von D. 

Rather than taking the high road and keeping his fool mouth shut, James replied, "That one is an easy no-brainer: Kat Von D, one hundred per cent. She's a vixen.''

FAIL. 

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Celebrities, WTF?!?.

News Quote of the Day

Waukesha Patch - A man, who is reportedly mentally ill, spoke with police at 9:30 a.m. Tuesday in the 100 block of Corrina Boulevard for previously running around naked in the downtown area, according to the Waukesha Police Department call log. The man told police he would not run around naked again but that the voices in his head were telling him to have sex with a horse, the log states.

A social worker was called to assist with the situation.

Click here to read the original story. 

* Fabulisa note: Crazy man and livestock sex... again. I wonder if bath salts had anything to do with this?

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under News.

Night of the Floating Dead

In an attempt to save the town of Cairo, Illinois due to massive flooding, the Army Corps of Engineers opened the levee at Birds Point in Mississippi County, Missouri, Monday night.

As a result, several local cemeteries and grave sites are now totally flooded. 

The county coroner has advised the public to be on the lookout for burial vaults, caskets or skeletal remains. Trés fab! 

Anyone who sees the floating dead should not take matters into their own hands; they're advised to call the coroner's office at McMikle Funeral Home: 573-683-3773. 

Source

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under News.

May the 4th be with you!

It's May 4, and geeks everywhere know what that means: Star Wars Day!

Please enjoy this extra-stupid Star Wars dance-off clip. Contestant #1, disco Chewbacca, kills it! How Leia and Luke won is beyond me. Lame. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTA9oLekoUc]

Posted on May 3, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Holidays, Movies, Videos.

Mariah's Chimps are Named!

The boy is Moroccan Scott Cannon and the girl is Monroe Cannon.

Not bad. Could be waaaay worse, like, say, Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee), Moxie CrimeFighter (Penn Jillette), Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon), Princess Tiaamii (Katie Price) and---last but certainly not least---Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson).

Hearty congrats again to Mariah and Nick.

Sorry, but it's true: she looks chimp-ish. And she needs a stylist. The Fredericks of Hollywood look isn't helping anyone, girl. 

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Announcements, Celebrities.

High-Collar Ruffle Stripe Fever!

My fab sister, Kelly, took one look at the Pre-Fabü Sneak Peek post and informed me that she, too, had a thing for high-collars, ruffles and stripes... in 1981! Witness the photographic evidence.

VanDyke sisters super-highcollar-ruffle-stripe power!!! BAM! POW! Take THAT! People can't handle it! They simply don't know what to do when faced with this incredibly chic force! They hide like baby childrens or skittering rodents. They. Can't. Take. It. 

Thanks for the pic, sis. Five stars. 

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Fabulousness, Fashion.

Bath Salts? Seriously? Yes, I'm dwelling.

OK, I just did a bit of research on these bath salts being blamed for the lingerie/goat tragedy... These aren't standard bath salts like we spa-lovers are so fond of. "Bath salts" is merely a nickname for methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV), a psychoactive drug with stimulant qualities. It's known to cause some seriously ka-ray-zay behavior for days on end, and gobs of health problems. Click here to read a pretty creepy news story about the stuff. 

Here's the kicker: it's legal. You can purchase it at head shops, convenience stores and other retail outlets. Apparently, the stuff's frequently located near the energy drinks. It's the new meth, and it's available everywhere... while marijuana remains largely illegal... go figure. 

Bath salts are sold under many names, including: 

  • Serenity Now
  • Ivory Wave
  • Vanilla Sky
  • Bonsai Grow
  • Lovey Dovey
  • Euphoria
  • White Lightning
  • Cloud 9
  • Aura
  • Blue Silk

Don't throw out the bathwater just yet. Things are a' changing. Today, the Florida Senate unanimously voted to ban MDPV/bath salts. Yay, Florida! Lord knows you've got your hands full of crazy over there, anyway. The last thing you need is even crazier crazies, beloved Sunshine State. Get those bath salts out, pronto! 

This better not jack up the price of my treasured AHAVA fabulousness, that's all I have to say. Any junkie that comes between me and a deluxe soak is in for a world o' pain. I will choke bitches out. Watch it!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIwE9-YkKoQ&feature=player_embedded]

Posted on May 3, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Health/Fitness, News.

It's World Press Freedom Day!

Thanks to the journalists who risk life and limb while doing their jobs. 

Governments: it's your duty to respect and uphold the right to freedom of expression enshrined under Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. 

Long live freedom of the press!

Posted on May 3, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under Holidays.

Lingerie-Clad Man High on Bath Salts Kills Neighbor's Goat

According to the Kanawha County, West Virginia, Sheriff's Department, yesterday a West Virginia man high on bath salts killed his neighbor's pygmy goat and neighbors found him in his bedroom, dressed in a bra and panties, next to the dead animal.  Click here to read the story and view the absolutely classic mugshot. Let's hope this man gets the help he desperately needs. 

R.I.P. Bailey the pygmy goat. 

Posted on May 2, 2011 by Lisa Brown and filed under News, WTF?!?.