Oh. My. Gawwwwd: IT'S MADONNA'S BIRTHDAY!!! This is considered a high holy day in certain circles, dahling. Can you believe she's 53? I certainly can't. She looks IN-credible. And her 24-year-old boy-toy, Brahim Zaibat... helloooo?!? Hotness! Rock on, Madonna. You're fabulous in every single way. We bow and smile.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNKUCkFKDr0]
The deeeliteful Lady Miss Kier is 48 today. We love you, girl! Happy birthday!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3B-x2cuNEk]
Happy 66th birthday, Steve Martin, you fabulous jerk.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rVuZ0hJEyM]
It's suspense master Alfred Hitchcock's 112th birthday.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09Zsd858KQs]
In honor of Sir Mix-a-Lot's 48th birthday, I will not post Baby Got Back.
You KNOW, without a shred of doubt, that even though Sir Mix still faithfully takes the stage and performs BGB overandoverandover again, that poor man has gotta be so ridiculously sick of that damn song that it's not even funny. Such is showbiz, dahling. This is why Vanilla Ice hates himself and Jani Lane hates himself AND cherry pie. Suck it up, fellas. Your 15 minutes might've expired ages ago, but at least you can say you left your mark.
How this turned into a rant, I have no idea. Seems to happen a lot around here in Fabüchusetts. Happy birthday, Sir Mix-a-Lot.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_F76ySzk48]
Do you feel like starting your day by looking at a photo of Hulk Hogan, Joe Rogan or Rev. Jerry Falwell? Yeah, me neither. I vote no birthday tribute today.
Instead, let's begin Thursday with this cute little kitten. Awwww! Tender moments!
The amazing Betsey Johnson is 69 today. Happy birthday, Betsey, you fabulous, cartwheeling wonder!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDjZVbY2d9Y]
Happy 48th birthday to Whitney "Bobbaaay!!!" Houston.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0isvS19AGs]
Aqua queen Esther Williams is 90 years old today. Swim on, Esther! Happy birthday, lady.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYW64moSLKg&feature=related]
Let the joyous news be spread: Billie Burke (AKA Glinda the Good Witch) is still certainly dead... but it's her 127th birthday, however. That didn't rhyme at all. Whatevs.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11BQQvVy8LI]
It's Lucille Ball's 100th birthday. Pretty cool, huh?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQvrOGF65_A]
No, that is not a pic of Cher, freshly post-op from a regular tune-up. It's Pete Burns.
Don't know who Pete is? You might recognize him from this old pic.
Yes, he is the founder of 80s sensation, Dead or Alive. Now, his job is to be fabulous and get waaaaay too much plastic surgery.
Pete, I am crazy about you. Happy 52nd birthday. You are among my favorite freakies. You make the world a better place for people like me, dahling.
I think Pete expressed his plastic surgery affinity best in his Daily Mail interview earlier this year: "People redecorate their homes every few years. I see this as no different," he said. "Changing my face is like buying a new sofa."
You are a high-ranking member of my so-fab-I-wanna-slap-you club, Pete. I would, however---for obvious reasons---refrain from slapping you. Don't wanna cause any shifting or divots, girl.
Happy birthday, Pete Burns! Much love!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5sKvlHRBsM&feature=related]
It's a milestone for our president. Happy 50th birthday, good sir.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6zu8D05ECY&feature=related]
Martha Stewart is 70 today. 70? Martha Stewart is 70?!? Does that seem weird to you, too? Man, time flies. Happy milestone, Martha. You kind of give me the creeps, but imma feature you in the birthday spotlight anyway, boo.
Like my smooth Kanye stylings? Yeah, me neither. Promise I won't do it again. Wait, no I don't. I can't promise that. Sadly, it might happen again in the future. You've been warned.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xKo6ENm5iY]
Apollonia is 52 today. I can't think of anything witty to say about her. Prince rules!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AcdGteG3kc&feature=related]
It's Yves Saint Laurent's 75th birthday. You are missed.
Thanks for uttering one of the finest statements ever:
"We must never confuse elegance with snobbery."
Well said, sir.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhXV_cdg4wg]
It's Barry Wayne Van Dyke's 60th birthday! Yaaaaay, Barry!!!
In the spirit of adhering to this post's title, let's all say it aloud together now: Who the hell is he?!? (cue canned laughter)
He's Dick Van Dyke's son. I checked out his IMDb page. Not much; bit parts... appearances on The Dukes of Hazzard, The Love Boat and Mork and Mindy ---- haaaay! Something did jump off the page, though: he's married to Mary Carey.
WTF?!? Sooooo... somebody has a penchant for porn stars! Scandal!
You know daddy Dick (I know, I know... stop) is mortified. Orrrr, perhaps he's in on the action, too. Get it, Dick! Chim-chim-cheroo, old boy! Freak ON, sir.
Checked his Wiki page. Says he's been married to Mary since 1974. Porn Mary was born in 1980. D'oh!
My apologies to Mary Carey Van Dyke.
A milestone for Paul Anka: 70. Smooth crooner. Former teen idol. Bieber fever. Happy birthday, Paul.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsS811o21-k]
Danger Mouse is not only absolutely awesome, but he's also 34 today.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQakz9-kvfI]
Say yes to the fabulousness of Alexis Arquette, who turns 42 today.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hB3PdPMjeIY]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3thNtaoNRdo]