Martha Stewart is 70 today. 70? Martha Stewart is 70?!? Does that seem weird to you, too? Man, time flies. Happy milestone, Martha. You kind of give me the creeps, but imma feature you in the birthday spotlight anyway, boo.
Like my smooth Kanye stylings? Yeah, me neither. Promise I won't do it again. Wait, no I don't. I can't promise that. Sadly, it might happen again in the future. You've been warned.