My Sister is an Antagonist Bitch.

 

OK, so I'm sitting here in my home office, quietly working... minding my own business... when a text message pops up from my sister, Kelly, who lives about 1,300 miles away.

Sister: REDRUM

Me: Ohhhh, shit.

Sister: Bored... just messin with you

Me: Bitch, I will choke you out. Now I've got the image of the old lady in the tub stuck in my head. Infernal cackling.

Sister: Sweet dreams : )

I am so afraid of The Shining. It could be 2:15 p.m. (which it is), and that flick STILL gets me all creeped-out.

Great, now I'm sitting here petrified, waiting for that crazy bathtub crone to jump out from any nook and/or cranny in my chic treehouse and chase me around with her putrid, pruny skin flapping...  cackling all the while. I'm dead, for sure.

RIP Nate Dogg

Let's pour a bit of beer on the ground to mourn the passing of Nate Dogg (AKA Nathaniel Hale), one of rap's finest male hook singers, who died Tuesday at the age of 41 after several years of health problems. The four-time Grammy nominee was a key player in the rise of the West Coast G-Funk sound, and paramount participant in several gangsta hits.

"We lost a true legend n hip hop n rnb," Snoop Dogg tweeted. "One of my best friends n a brother to me since 1986 when I was a sophomore at poly high where we met. I love u buddy luv. U will always b wit me 4ever n a day u put the g n g funk u put the 1 n 213 n u put yo stamp on evrybdy u ever didit wit ... I miss u cuzz I am so sad but so happy I got to grow up wit u and I will c u again n heaven cuz u know d slogan. ... All doggs go to heaven yo homie n baby brotha bigg snoopdogg!!"

Franco, Franco everywhere.

Does anyone else feel like there's a little too much James Franco going around? Dude's everywhere.

Perhaps I'm jealous. Stranger things have happened. I would, indeed, like to be a better multitasker... and nobody--and I mean nobody--multitasks better than Franco.  Not only is he an actor, model, music producer, bar owner and college lecturer, but he's now a college course.

You read that right; he is his own college course. Master Class: Editing James Franco... with James Franco is the name of the Columbia College Hollywood class. According to the curriculum, editing students will create 30-minute documentaries from video footage from Franco's career. Students will work under the guidance of--you guessed it--Mr. Franco.

I'll stop here before I have a Francoverdose.

A Warning...

Beware the ides of March!

March 15 doesn't mean much to us anymore these days, but it has major significance in ancient history.

Supposedly, Roman leader Julius Caesar was warned that something bad was going to happen to him on or around March 15 (hence Shakepeare's "Beware the Ides of March" line in his play, Julius Caesar). A lot of good that warning did. On March 15, 44 B.C., the famed leader was stabbed 23 time in the Roman Senate in a conspiracy led by Marcus Junius Brutus and Gaius Cassius Longinus. There were 60 other conspirators, as well. Sheesh. Caesar had some serious enemies, yo.

On a more fabulous note, Rolls-Royce was incorporated on March 15, 1906.

Beware the sweet rIdes of March.

Birthday Brawn!

Oh, Fabio!

Cascading golden mane. Pectoral insanity. Epitome of romance and manliness.

So manly, you kill geese with your face... while riding a rollercoaster, no less.

The coaster's name: Apollo's Chariot.

Busch Gardens Williamsburg. 1999.

According to one park guest, a dead goose could be seen floating in the river below the drop where Fabio was supposedly hit.

I'm such a jerk.

Sorry, Fabio. I know you only want to be acknowledged for your seksi ways, but--clearly!--I still can't get past the goose thing. I'll try harder.

Here's a little birthday cake for you, baby.

Ohhhh, I suck.

Happy birthday, Fabio.

Can't Concentrate? Try Eggs Boiled in Kid Urine!

Metro.co.uk - Traditional chefs in Dongyang, Zhejiang province, eastern China, are trying to convince everyone that they're really not just taking the pee. Spring eggs hard boiled in children's urine have been a treat in this part of China for thousands of years and now culture officials want to take it worldwide.

Chef Lu Ming said: 'The urine is gathered from local schools and the very best comes from boys under 10 years old. They pee in buckets and we collect it fresh every day,'

Then the eggs - which have official cultural significance status - are boiled in the wee, first with their shells on and then with them off for a day and a night before they're ready to be eaten.

He said: 'The eggs are delicious and healthy. They stop fevers and can help you concentrate if you're feeling sluggish or sleepy.

'We are having a big export push because we want people outside China to fully appreciate the delicacy of our cuisine.'

Read the original story here.

Love to Japan

Love and prayers to the Japan earthquake victims, survivors and their families.

For Whom the Bell Tolls by John Donne

No man is an island, Entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less. As well as if a promontory were. As well as if a manner of thine own Or of thine friend's were. Each man's death diminishes me, For I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee.

Remember What Today Is?

Tonight's special: Mexican pizza with Boca Crumbles. Delish!

How are you Meatless Mondayers doing with your pledge? Stickin' to it?

SXSW Time!

In case you've been hiding under a rock, SXSW is a set of interactive, film, and music festivals and conferences that take place every spring in Austin, Texas. The music portion starts tomorrow and runs through Sunday. Here is the lineup list. Crazy, right? Soooo many bands. Incredible.

My top five (in random order):

1. Aceyalone

2. Klaxons

3. ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead

4. The BellRays

5. MSTRKRFT

Get Your Boho On!

It's spring, and you know what that means: Boho-chic! Time to rock fabulous togs with bohemian and hippie influences. I got my boho on over the weekend, when I visited the studio of jewelry designer, Kamille Crowley.

Fell in love with this Chinese turquoise bracelet

I wore these incredible vintage boots I scored in NYC.

Viva luxe bohemian looks!

A Word of Advice for All My Ladies

Carpet cleaning: Next time, hire a pro.

Worth the extra expense. Your manicure and lower back will thank you.

Still hell-bent on the DIY thing? At the very least, ask a guy who looks like this to come over and help you. It makes the whole process much easier.

You're welcome.

Guess Who's 65 Today?

I'm Finally Black!!!

Rejoice!

This blog will now feature black text, rather than gray. So awesome.

Beckhams: It's a Girl!

At long last--after three boys--David and Victoria Beckham are having a little Spice Girl. That's pretty damn cute news. Congrats!

Happy Birthday, Lawrence Welk!

 

Cheers to musician, accordionist, bandleader, television impressario and --most importantly-- the godfather of Champagne Music, Lawrence Welk.

Champagne dance parties lead to...

Champagne and romance, which inevitably results in little more than...

And, as we all know, champers memories can be quite fuzzy.

In the end, it's all worth it, dahling.

Happy birthday, champagne polka master Welk.

Dead.

Friday Fabü

Photo by Wes Naman for Local iQ

The Thermage treatment process is fairly fascinating. Aestheticians Nicole Ortega and Melissa Schultz at the Spa at WDC cleansed my skin and then prepped it with topical anesthetic. Next, they applied a removable, grid-like reference tattoo on my entire face. Easily cleansed off immediately after treatment, the grid assists practitioners to ensure the proper areas are being treated. They powered up the high-tech hardware and went to work.

Each time Schultz and Ortega (they alternated segments) applied the tip of the Thermage wand to a tiny grid position on my skin, it delivered a controlled burst of cooling cryogen spray, followed by a burst of radiofrequency (read: heat), then another cooling blast. The cool-heat-cool process prevents any surface damage. Each triple blast lasts only a few moments, and then it’s on to the next grid spot.

I won’t kid you — it wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows. You know there are times when I wield the “beauty is pain” motto. This is one of those times. It’s manageable, though; like placing a hot tea bag to a tiny section of your skin for a few seconds. It’s not a cakewalk, but neither is an evening in your fave stilettos. Deal with it, dahling. And know this: Some people simply feel a deep heating sensation, but no discomfort. You won’t know until you try.

To read the rest of the story, click here.

Dream a Little Dream

I'd just moved into a posh, all-white, high rise apartment -- quite similar to this one.

My landlord was a guy named Phil (played by actor Jeffrey Tambor).

Phil installed cameras all over the apartment. I had a problem with this, and he told me I could move.

I went up on the roof of the building to think it over, and when I looked over the edge, a major bicycle race was zooming by.

I went back inside, and bumped into a very drunk Lara Flynn Boyle, who, it turned out, lived next door. She said the cameras creeped her out, too.

I told Phil I'd decided to move, then he bribed me with a full-size washer/dryer set and a Blue Heeler puppy. I opted to stay.

I can't help myself. I must once again consult the wizard of wackiness, the online dream dictionary.

White: Purity. Transformation. Cleanliness. Dignity; posh apartment: You will see a large increase in your income or your family life will improve; actor: Pursuit for pleasure; pictures taken against your will: Someone is trying to take advantage of you or compromise your boundaries somehow in your life; bicycles: Need to devote time to leisurely pursuits and recreation; meeting a drunk actress: Don't repeat gossip, and be careful with who you associate yourself with. Their actions may reflect on your own character; washer/dryer: Need to resolve issues of the past in order to be able to make a clean, new start for yourself; puppy: Optimism, unconditional love.

SYNOPSIS:

I'm transforming into a pure, clean, dignifed person. I'm poised to earn substantially more money. This will help fund my recreational pursuits, which I need to devote more time to. I must remain aware, however, as someone is trying to take advantage of me and compromise my boundaries. In order to successfully make this clean, new start for myself, I must resolve past issues, make sure to remain optimistic, not spread gossip, beware of shady people and spread unconditional love.

OK, last time, the dream dictionary provided a cuckoo result. This time: Not too shabby.

If you'd like me to do the Fabü treatment on one of YOUR dreams, send it my way. I'll even post it here, if that's cool with you. We can even give you a loco pseudonym like "Stargazer" or something extra-foolish like that. Bring it on!

Really, McDonalds?!?

Um... this is completely insane.

Watch at your own risk. It made me feel mildly homicidal.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytHUb9U6i7I&feature=player_embedded]

Winter Music Conference is in Full Effect

Last night, I received a report from Miami's annual Winter Music Conference (WMC). Unfortunately, all I could hear during the call was BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-hello?hello?-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-girl, are you there?-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM.

So, from what I gathered, it's going well.

WMC is basically holy week for electronic music fans. With industry workshops during the day and gobs of parties at night (and well into the morning), this conference draws hundreds of thousands of electronic music lovers from around the globe.

According to the WMC site, last year's event attracted 1,909 artists and DJs, 3,763 industry delegates from 70 countries and over 100,000 event attendees for a concentrated schedule of more than 414 events, parties, seminars and workshops presented across 5 days.

I'm sure WMC is fabulous in every single way, but the hangover sounds far too massive for me to dare risk attending the event. Just sayin'.

Blake Lively is Chanel’s New It-Girl

Gossip Girl Blake Lively has accomplished a huge personal goal: She's the new face of Chanel's Mademoiselle handbag line.

“I had other opportunities and I would say, ‘Thank you so much, but I am holding out for Chanel,’” Lively told the New York Times. “That’s who I want to be the face of. And people would say, ‘Well, that’s unrealistic, they only hire Europeans,’ and I said: ‘Well, how great. I’ll be the first then.’”

The actress was personally chosen by Karl Lagerfeld, Chanel's head designer and creative director, who deemed her "an American dream girl." He shot all the campaign photographs himself at Chanel's Paris headquarters.

Lively's Chanel Mademoiselle ads will appear in April in magazines everywhere.