Happy 80th birthday to Jerry Van Dyke, who has a fabulous last name. Oh, and he's a fine actor.
Yes, this video isn't Jerry Van Dyke; it's Leroy "The Auctioneer" Van Dyke... and he's fabulous. It's just a Van Dyke kind of day, folks. Who doesn't love a Van Dyke day, really?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvSn0g27-t0]
Naturally, Jesse James chose today to announce that his engagement to Kat Von D is kaput. It's Sandra Bullock's 47th birthday, Jesse, you insensitive, disrespectful toad. Will you please give the woman a break? Sheesh. I AM SO OVER JESSE M.F. JAMES!!!!!!!
Whew! That felt good. I've been holding this Jesse James angst in for far too long. Release was needed. JESSE JAMES SUUUUCKS! There. Done.
Happy birthday, Sandra Bullock. Your composure is awe-inspiring. You are a true lady. Five stars to you.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xur-g1K0nfk&feature=related]
Iman, epitome of beauty, grace, style and age-defiance is 56 today. Happy birthday, Mrs. David Bowie.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzw509yHiLI]
The original (and only, if you ask me; stop trying to make perfect stuff better, Hollywood!) Wonder Woman, Lynda muthaf**kin' Carter, celebrates a milestone today: 60 years old. You look fabulous, lady. Go!
This. Video. Clip. Is. AWESOME. You need to watch it. I implore you from the bottom of my happy little heart.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZCbF_eOTw4]
Happy 46th birthday to Slash, rock legend supreme. We're happy you're still alive, Slash. Keep up the good work.
P.S. No more close-call divorce situations with Perla. We like her. She's bossy. Thanks in advance.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs0C9M5ahvQ]
Oh, Rufus... dear, dear, sweet, wonderful Rufus Wainwright. God among men. Prodigy of the McGarrigle/Wainwright clan. Extraordinary, unadulterated talent. Happy 38th birthday, genius. Love you so. Thanks for creating one of the greatest songs on the Fabü Top 10. It's also on my funeral list. Hate to be morbid, but we're all gonna go someday, kids. When I do, you'll all hear this...
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTQLWYWnYB8]
It's a milestone for Robin Williams: 60! Happy birthday, Rob, you big goober. Thanks for all the laughs, good sir.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSgn9G-KQVM&feature=fvwrel]
Let's discuss Chris Cornell for a second...
1. He's hot.
2. He has one of the finest rock screams ever.
3. He's hot.
4. He's hot.
Happy 47th birthday, Chris.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVZQsLo4CGw&feature=related]
It's hatchet maven Lizzie Borden's 151st birthday today.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TJPf8xUTs8]
Happy 82nd birthday to Screamin' Jay Hawkins. Gone, but certainly not forgotten, dahling. We heart yew, Screamin' Jay!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGPhpvqtOc]
Phyllis Diller, esteemed member of the Fabü sainthood, is 94 today. I could go on and on and on and onnnnn about how fall-on-the-floor fabulous she is, but it's time for Sunday brunch, and nothing---I mean nothing---comes between me and brunch. WE LOVE YOU, SAINT PHYLLIS!!!!!!!!!!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGD7TNnDeSQ&feature=related]
Happy 42nd birthday to the fabulous Rain Pryor. I had the pleasure of attending her outstanding, one-woman show, Fried Chicken & Latkes, in January at the Albuquerque Jewish Community Center, thanks to my friend, Sabra Minkus, who, ironically, is mother-of-the-bride today.
This is a good sign that the day's events will go smoothly, I've decided. L'chaim!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5D-NKMgppU]
I've decided that we should all refer to Linda Ronstadt (who is 65 today) as LiRo from now on. It's important to stay current. Happy birthday, LiRo. Woot-woot!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haZPPBJC8Ic&feature=related]
Wowww... Harry Dean Stanton is 85 today. Gettin' up there, Harry. Good work, sir. You rule. Certified bad-ass.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17mhga8E2MQ]
What do they have in common? They're all boring, dahling. Sorry, but it's true.
They all also have birthdays today. Who do you choose? Not a one! THIS, my friends, is why there was no birthday feature today. However, now that it's come to this, I suppose I should just man up and express my best wishes.
Happy birthday, Cameron Crowe, Louise Mandrell and Corey Clark.
Yawn.
I think yesterday's bitch lessons worked. Perhaps a bit too well. Whatevs. Better to be too bitchy than not bitchy enough, I always say. Speaking of bitchy enough, let's post Smiletone again for good measure.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP3bFpBxxEs]
Milton Teagle Simmons is 63 today. You might know him better as that madcap, gayer-than-gay fitness guru, Richard Simmons. Happy birthday, Richard, you loco betch! You've made a huge difference in many health-challenged lives. We might have to make you a living saint soon, right alongside our beloved St. Rip. Cheers, dahling!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na9ZZ4ZjVa8]
Happy 77th birthday to the mighty Giorgio Armani!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hapw80y0EI]
Ronnie James Dio: devil-horn divo, metal master, Sabbath singer, Elf king... we miss you... happy 69th birthday.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkysjcs5vFU]
Our fave couture-clad trainwreck, Courtney Love, is 47. Happy birthday, crazy!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KOr5rMzk1U&playnext=1&list=PL155FFFABF7815B08]
Tay Zonday! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA]